- Benjamin Franklin. In between, I am alive., 7. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. I nourish my body every day. 163. East. 271. It doesnt work if it is not open. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. Albert King. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Best friends eat your food. 219. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". 99. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. 10. Your actions become your habits. "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. 87. They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. 145. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. Dave Barry Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. 192. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. Love your enemies. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. Im laughing at the confusion and smiling through the tears. 2. I teach my kids good things in sarcastic ways. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. A backbone. With a cowculator. And a funny bone. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. I feel great. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. I am quite fascinating. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 64. Some people are like clouds. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . 6. 133. 121. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Enjoy! The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. 20. 7. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. 21. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. 4. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. 138. How do astronomers organize a party? 114. 245. 172. 279. Why is England the wettest country? 2. 266. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Funny Daily Affirmations. 9. grateful. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. I am awesome. Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. 224. If only common sense were more common. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes: Short Holiday Sayings - Parade "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. 5. 134. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Franklin Jones, 259. New year, new me. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 104. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. 239. 139. At night, I cant fall asleep. Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. Not me, but somebody does. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. 176. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. 142. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. 44. I am on a seafood diet. 54. "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Funny Affirmation - Etsy 155. 123. 120. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. I will go out. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. Nothing, they just waved. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? He who laughs last didnt get it. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. Some when they enter, others when they leave. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. We need to hear a pin drop. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. But even if this does happen, who cares? 169. 2. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. Shoot for the moon. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Find a quiet place without distractions. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. When nothing is going right, go left. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. Steven Wright, 252. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. 23. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. The thing is, I am still getting ready. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! 145. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. 215. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. My mistakes dont define me. Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. I dont want to fix my spending habits. 49. Never judge a book by its movie. 130. 43. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. 167. Life would be tragic if it werent funny too. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. Franklin Jones Erma Bombeck This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 63. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. Read the first word again. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I am lazy till I get a motive. Wilson Mizner Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. I stick to things until I get to my destination. Learn sign language, its very handy. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Friday Affirmations: 20 Affirmations to Wind Down the Week If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. When they go away, its a brighter day. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". 276. avoid carbs. 149. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. Its a door, thats how they work. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. They log in. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. After all, laughter is a universal way to express yourself. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Today is a great day. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Socrates. 60 Happy Friday Funny Memes Day of the Week - FunZumo If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. Chris Rock, 256. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. 128. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. 193. Envelope. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. Today I will embrace the poop. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". 2. The only power you have is the word no. 227. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. 52. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. 6. INSPIRATIONAL positive mindset affirmation #shorts #short #shortvideo Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. Cindy from Marzahn Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. 34. 185. Hes dreaming too. Your email address will not be published. 153. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. A mind is like a parachute. 36. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. How do trees access the internet? 2. 66. Good morning! Where do you see yourself in 5 years? "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 53. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. Dave Barry. - George Burns. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. 100 Short Positive Affirmations: Keep Repeating Them The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. 127. I see food, and I eat it. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. Any text will do. 45. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". 9. 72. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? If Monday had a face, I would punch it. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. 229. Because it was soda pressing. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". - Roy T. Bennett. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. Sam Levenson. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. 46. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. With a cowculator. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. 130. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. Charles M. Schulz. 89. 267. What do you call a bear with no teeth? If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. The rest are too expensive. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. 207. Enjoy! You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Pat Sajak Say your affirmations slowly and clearly. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. 62. No, but April may. Its called tomorrow. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. I breathe in and out. Short Funny Quotes. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 28. 101. 175. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. 40. Top 40 Best Funny Affirmations To Make Your Day (2023) Ive got three bones. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. Build a bridge. 16. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. Art doesnt transform. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. 1. We have a connection. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. 186. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. 63. 181. 217. Henny Youngman Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. It will just flow naturally. Have a look! Not everyone has to like me. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 93. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Envelope. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. 80. Frances McDormand, 42. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. 21. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. 213. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 101. 147. This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. I can have peace, even when people irritate me. 9. 1. 153. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. 248. I thought you said extra fries. 105. George Burns We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. The library, because it has so many stories. In between, I am alive. 24. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? Lorrin L. Lee. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. Lily Tomlin 169. Snowballs. Can February march? And a funny bone. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. 250. Looking for positive funny affirmations? Sometimes the M is silent. It may feel useless but just get into it. They planet. 216. Hes dreaming too. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. You have to go after it with a club. 271. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. 159. 205. 74. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. 205 Hilariously Funny Quotes For Work To Make You Chuckle You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. "Have a great Wednesday. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. 182. I intend to live forever. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. I release all shame about my body. 126. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. 148. Jackie Collins, 240. 208. 100+ weird quotes that make no sense at all but are funny I am enough. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. 4. 8. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. -Gandhi. 229. Not me, but somebody does. 247. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. "I receive what I believe.". Roy Lichtenstein 258+ Funny & Happy Friday Quotes To Explode Your Energy 221. 268. 230. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. 118. I intend to live forever. How do you count cows? Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. 223. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" 121. Love your enemies. ". 9. 70+ Daily Affirmations That'll Rock Your World - Fun Cheap or Free There are endless opportunities. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. 166. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. Short Funny Affirmations. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. I know the best time to make fun. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. 256. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. 22. I breathe in and out. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). 196. 194. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. Your life is your message to the world. 25 Daily Mantras For Positive Thinking | Positive Creators Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? 152. 46. A backbone. "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. 204. What is Mozart doing right now? God's promises are here to give you perfect peace, good news, renew your strength and reveal the will of God in your life. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 36. 39 Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. 158. 17. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. I am tough and resilient. 81. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. 5. No No NOYes. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. Alison Boulter Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. I am happy and joyful. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction?