It was glorious when you did! 6. 3. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. Because all the other four letter words were taken. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Mini Golf Captions. 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Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. 20 Funny Golf Sayings and Inspirational Golf Quotes Dont even putt. My drives aren't always long and straight. If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. P.G. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. 7. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Required fields are marked *. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. I play Bass. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. Golf is more complicated than that. Whats the difference between golf and sex? Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. 75 Hilarious Golf Puns and One-Liners That Don't Suck "I'm the best. So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! 21+ Best Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns All he knows how to play with is Clubs! When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. 5. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. About 160 yards was his reply. 2. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. "Golf is my profession. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. ", George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. Knock, knock How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? It can be rewarding. Why dont skeletons play golf? Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. For true success, it matters what our goals are. Where is the best place to go on vacation? Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? 21. And that thought is: Dont think. Find the ball. The means are as important as the ends. I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. Required fields are marked *. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? Wanna be my caddy? What do you call a lion playing golf? All through the night they made wild love together. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. 3 of 10. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. Big pupils lead to big scores. See you in the Email! After 18 holes I can barely walk. "If you break 100, watch your golf. The greatest single lesson to be learned from golf is mental discipline. Louise Suggs, 51. Its to move on. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Man: Please dont go. With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. Sometimes a good joke can lighten up the mood. As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. 3. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Required fields are marked *. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? 1. The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Its just really hard to play. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? 22. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? 2. If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! 3. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? Whos there? How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". Bye Bye Birdie. The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. You okay with that? Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. They like cricket better. 3. These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. Tahiti who? It took one afternoon on the golf course. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! Why do golfers hate cake? However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. Please add a link to this article. 150 Hilarious Golf Jokes And Puns 'Fore' Everyone He attacks it. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. 20. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. Fore! Phyllis Diller, with her outrageous teased hair and housewife caricature stage persona, was a master of delivery and comedic timing. Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". 4. What is a golfers favorite bird? Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. All of them. Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. What does a golfer do on his day off? No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Your email address will not be published. Just in case they get a slice! Missed the ball and sank the divot. I Am Shuvo Saha. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. Sunday Service. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? It bends a little to the left. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? Fantastic 4-some. I'm Tiger Woods. So what are you waiting for? Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. On a golf course, nature is neutered. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. 80+ Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings - CoolNSmart Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? Whos there? If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. 2. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Your email address will not be published. Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. Try choking donw on the shaft. I give him the driver. Thats incredible. Because they might get a slice. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. happen again! Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. Correct one fault at a time. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. 20 Of The Best Golf Quotes Ever - Golf Monthly Magazine Dirty Golf - pinterest.com Don't worry to do dirty jobs. If you break 80, watch your business. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. This post may contain affiliate links. I like to go low. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. My shaft is bent. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I Such is the game. The threesome were curious what was going on. 65 Best Golf Quotes for Inspiration and Motivation To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Im the best. He was puttering around. Nothing it should have ducked. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. Eight. The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. Their expectation, however, is very different. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. 85+ Funny Golf Quotes That Will Be A Hit At The Clubhouse